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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

When your pet dies - saying goodbye to an old friend

I grew up with dogs and as a young man had a couple of dogs that became good friends -- I recall a Lhasa Apso by the name of John Milton in particular. He was less than two years old when I lost him. One minute we were playing on the floor of my parent's basement and the next he was gone -- a burst cerebral aneurysm I was told later.

Just recently we learned that a couple of old friends in Michigan lost one of their best friends, a standard poodle that went by the name of Charley. I don’t think I’ve ever known a more pleasant or friendlier creature than Charley and can only imagine the pain his loss brought on our friends. In fact, I think it's probably safe to say that a good companion and friend taken from us is never an easy loss to bear.

“People love their pets,” writes the Humane Association of the United States, “and consider them members of their family. Caregivers celebrate their pets' birthdays, confide in their animals, and carry pictures of them in their wallets. So when your beloved pet dies, it's not unusual to feel overwhelmed by the intensity of your sorrow. Animals provide companionship, acceptance, emotional support, and unconditional love during the time they share with you. If you understand and accept this bond between humans and animals, you've already taken the first step toward coping with pet loss: knowing that it is okay to grieve when your pet dies.”

The HAUS reminds us that the death of a family pet can be particularly hard on seniors. “Those who live alone may feel a loss of purpose and an immense emptiness,” notes the HAUS in their handy online guide (see sidebar). In addition, the loss of a pet “may also trigger painful memories of other losses and remind caregivers of their own mortality.”

According to the Humane Association, it is absolutely essential “that senior pet owners take immediate steps to cope with their loss and regain a sense of purpose.”

One solution is to adopt another pet of course, but that poses other dilemmas for the senior: the pet may outlive the caregiver and of course a new pet may strain a person’s physical and financial abilities to provide adequate care.

Humane Association recommends several things to help cope with the grief that comes with the loss of a family pet: write about your feelings, call your local humane society to see if they offer support services, and explore the internet for pet loss support groups. You might also consider preparing a memorial for your pet, sharing the importance that "Metronome" or "Gwitty" or "Bandit" had on your life.

So, how can you go about honoring the memory of your old friend?

One way is to plant a special tree or shrub in your yard. You might also create a scrapbook of photos and give it a special place in your home. Or you might consider holding a special service at a nearby pet cemetery where you can even donate a tree or bench with your name and the name of your pet on it.

According to the International Association of Pet Cemeteries there are more than 600 active pet cemeteries in the United States, and many operate in conjunction with other pet-oriented businesses such as boarding kennels, grooming centers and the like. Established in 1896, the Hartdale Pet Cemetery in New York is the oldest operating pet cemetery in the US. The largest is reportedly the Bide-a-Wee Home Association, also located in New York, with supposedly more than 5,000 burials in one of their cemeteries alone.

In the Rhode Island area there are a handful of choices: you can check with the Potter League in Middletown (see sidebar); and there is Rose Hill Pet Cemetery in Peace Dale, RI. Angelview Pet Cemetery and Crematory in Middleboro, MA provides a large number of services, including memorials, memorial services, burials, and various funerary items as well.

One of the more curious pet cemeteries in Rhode Island is on the grounds of the K9 Instincts boarding and training facility in Portsmouth, RI. The cemetery was originally opened in the late 1930s, making it probably the oldest pet cemetery in the state. It is also the final resting place of Pookie, the “good friend and faithful companion” of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor. Pookie apparently passed away while the family was visiting Rhode Island in 1956.

Whatever you choose to do, one thing is for certain: the loss of a treasured member of your family will be something you’ll remember for years to come. I suspect that it's not just the loss of a "good walking pal" or a "playful puppy" that has left such a large hole in so many lives. I wonder if what isn't really missed is the loss of the utterly, absolutely unconditional love and loyalty that is second nature to the family pet; attributes that many believe they may never ever find anywhere else.


Websites:

The Humane Society of the United States - http://www.hsus.org/
Information on pet cremation - http://www.angelashes.com/petcremation.htm
The International Association of Pet Cemeteries - http://www.iaopc.com/
Pet cemeteries in Rhode Island - http://www.pet-loss.net/resources/RI.html
Pet cemetery in Portsmouth, RI - http://www.k9instincts.com/
Angelview Pet Cemetery http://www.angelview.com/
Potter League in Middletown, RI http://www.potterleague.org/

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